Friday, April 1, 2016

How Not to Help Disappointed Friends

A lot of people struggle when it comes to helping others who have recently been disappointed.  I was recently on the disappointed side.  I had tried out for my school play for a small role and I did not get the role.  To give you some background I am a senior in High School and this was my last chance to be in a play.  I had tried out once before as a freshman and didn't get the role because I sucked. I can admit to that.  Over the years, I have had a huge spike in confidence when it comes to public speaking and acting.  Turns out so had a lot of others in my school and the drama department grew as well.  
I am currently in two acting classes for fun and I am surrounded by very talented people.  People who have been acting in a lot of plays and had a lot of experience onstage and with the director.  It was also a small play with only 19 parts and since a couple hundred people were auditioning...  I knew that I most likely would not get the part but I tried out anyway.  I did not get the part, as I expected. I did not tell my friend about this because she doesn't like the drama department because they never gave her a part either.  She is used to succeeding but she never could in drama so she is pretty bitter toward it.  
I told her that I tried out for the play hoping for some sympathy and her response was less than satisfactory.  She started by telling me about how she never got in, insinuating that if she couldn't get in then I would have a snowball's chance in Hell, and how trying out for a play at our school is just asking to be disappointed, she then proceeded to tell me about how her choir was doing so great and that she was so smart for choosing this choir over the other one and so on and so forth.  Normally this wouldn't bother me but the fact that she has already told me this entire story twice, once over text and once in person, and that I was looking for her to be a bit more sympathetic I quickly became angry.  I didn't show any of this but instead quickly changed the subject to something light.
Guys, if you are comforting a disappointed friend here are some tips:

  1. Do not try to relate to them by talking about your life. You will just sound like a self-centered jerk. Period.
  2. Do not tell them that they should have expected the outcome.  SUPPORT don't tear down.
  3. Tell them that they are beautiful people who will have a thousand more chances to shine.

Thank you so much for reading and supporting me and remember that you are a beautiful person with thousands of chances to shine.


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